i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
