I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
