Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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