It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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