You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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