i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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