btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
