My room smells like vodka and shame
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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