Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
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