I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
These tits shall not be calmed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
