People with herpes should wear stickers.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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