True but thats because hes a fetus.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
