He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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