Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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