I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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