guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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