Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The Olympian is in my bed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
