I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
