Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
