i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it hurts more in the daytime
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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