Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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