it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
