Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
