wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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