Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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