You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
