Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
