Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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