Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize