when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
