Dual....:-)
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
