its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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