nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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