well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
