have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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