Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
