listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
