Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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