Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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