can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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