so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize