the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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