I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
