arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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