hotel room ftw
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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