uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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