dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
