Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
