her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize