just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
