so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Welp...herpes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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