So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
