mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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