Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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