I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
