I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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