When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
