VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize