I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
