I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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