CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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