You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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