so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
