He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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