If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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