I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
