I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
