I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
