I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
how drunk are you?
Several
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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