There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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