Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
