I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
