put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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