Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
