it was like his penis was on wheels.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize