hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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