Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
