I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
