His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
