It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
