hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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