I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
