I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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