We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
