Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
