At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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