Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
