My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
