smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize