I cut my penus on the lid.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
