u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
