She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
love makes seman taste better
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
