I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
