Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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