are you still at the devil's house?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
